Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
