I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
