I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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