I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
