my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
