everyone is single if you try hard enough
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
