I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
