I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
