This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
