see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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