The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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