Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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