Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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