Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
