Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dicks are not precious.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
