Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
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