So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize