Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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