pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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