Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
