i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
