I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
