pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
