I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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