You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize