Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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