do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
