omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
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