I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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