porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
