it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
