he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
