I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
