cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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