I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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