Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
