It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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