thus making me awesome and them whores
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My underwear smells like fireworks.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
