Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
