Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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