I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
birth control should be required to get into college
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
