I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I believe in your delicious
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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