Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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