I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
