You're completely useless in the revolution.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
