It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My breasts were aching with rage.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
