Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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