I hope mine doesn't look like that
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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