It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
