Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
