its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
