I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
