i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
