The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize