Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
