new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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