So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
even my farts smell like vagina
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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