dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
