3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
