i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
