There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
