he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
