he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
