I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
