Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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