I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
