Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize