As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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