It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
