she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
