I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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