I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i now understand why vodka
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
