the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
